I may or may not have started my period at the bar. Good thing I have dark jeans on.
the red head has a bf
just because there's a goalie doesn't mean u can't score
do you know why i have a volvo grill taped to the back of my car?
Im only slightly posetive that left over guacamole and wine are unacceptable for breakfast at 6.30 am
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you started putting condoms on anything with a point, then you were yelling at the lamp for using your last condom...
Dwarf fight at five guys. Today was a good day.
Managed to get through family dinner without anyone knowing I was tripping balls. Christmas miracle. He exists.
All i've had today is coffee and ketchup packets. I need a job like yesterday.
You need a twittervention. You're better than this.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm getting married
To pizza
Well, I'm most mad that he lied to you (about being married)...but the CAT THING IS A CLOSE SECOND
I'm gonna tell the medical examiner that your cause of death was over-arousal.
Just in case you blacked out, we had sex, you came in me, we need plan B, we fell off your top bunk, broke your roommates chair, i still like you, but i'm in pain and am going to bed
I love FaceTime, every time you ring me the morning after its like I went home with your one night stand too.
I kept screaming that he looked like Khal Drogo and rode around the bar on his back.
Randomize