Whats the name of the guy with his hand down my pants?
Do you ever just KNOW it's gonna be a good day? I mean, like in a "just found a Vicodin in the bottom of your purse" kinda way?
Nah it's cool, I made him pinky promise me he wouldn't die if I left him passed out in the bathroom.
Babe, I need to be clear. I DO NOT WANT TO HAVE ANAL. Never. No anal. No "talking about it"
Euphemism? No, "pantsless vodka yoga" is a legitimate pastime of mine
i dont trust my judgment anymore so im only going to fuck guys who can donate blood at the red cross. they have standards.
He ate me out while I was wearing a tiara.... I think I could get used to this
Do you think we could brew coffee with beer? I'm thinking a hazelnut Guinnesspresso can only end with pure awesome.
Seriously you've eaten pizza pockets for every meal for the past 4 days
Well to be fair I wasn't alive for breakfast 2 out of 4 days
A guy claiming to be the Japanese counterpart to the White Power Ranger is trying to take me home....
Sorry, It's like OkCupid Olympics... categories: best sext, best dick pic, and most effort by ugly. You won gold in the last event if that makes you feel better.
I need ecstasy. And, before you ask, the answer is yes right now
I'm glad you don't care about kids. That's one of your better qualities.
I fucked your neighbor. Welcome to the new apartment!
On a scale of 1 to shit show you were "i just pissed myself"
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