FYI: Do not ever call any girl a thundercunt as a form of dirty talk.
she's into porn, im staying here tonight
is this the sara with the beer cane?
Grad practice is like a live scrapbook of my drunken sexual encounters
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.
Like that time I held Annie up and she peed all over the window.. We make a good team.
i knew it was time to leave the bar when i caught myself doing karate dance moves with a married man.
I really need to create fewer "the time I was on drugs" stories for my future memoir, "my first year in San Francisco".
good luck with that
I got drunken sympathy for the whales' plight last night and signed up to give $50 monthly to Greenpeace. Calling to cancel was worse than the hangover.
Hear that? That's the wail of a dying whale. Murderer.
Two women at the Safeway just got out of their separate cars and kissed. One was driving an outback, the other a CRV. It was like a Honda and Subaru had a lesbian joint venture and filmed the commercial in front of me.
I just got a free round of shots. Don't you DARE fuckin tell me that A-cup boobs can't get you good things.
2016 is coming through for me, I'm renaming it the year of great dick
let me just take this time to thank you again for buying pudding.
im having flashbacks to my time in a waffle cult composed of 9 to 14 year olds
Dennis picked up a 50 year old woman. Then he and Dan got in a fight and jumped out of the limo. No one knows what happened to them.
Randomize
