Don't be scared. It'll feel very good. And you'll be clean afterwards. I'm growling right now.
I hope im prettier
yea, just so you know this whole self-loathing thing is getting pretty fucking annoying
so I just asked a Chinese man and found out our tattoos actually mean vagina...
Drinking with birthday clown in the backyard shed at a 5 year olds birthday party at 12 in the afternoon. My life doesn't need any adjustments
There's a wake for a coworker on 420 during te time of 420... Hoping everyone will be too sad to notice how high I am.
the girl walking home behind me started yelling and pointing "i want an ass like hers!" i feel vaguely accomplished.
You've had your dick in my mouth. I don't think there are all that many barriers in our friendship at this point.
She was giving me that "well this is awkward since you drunkedly tried to hook up with me" look.
The spark has left our relationship. i used to make slightly inflammatory jokes at you. you would retaliate in jest. look at this. look at what is happening here.
he busted into the room with single cheese slices and started yelling "THROW SOME CHEESE ON THAT BITCH"
So far in the last ten minutes I have tried to pour cereal into a plate. Today's gonna be a great day.
Would it be weird if I bought knee pads and shin guards to fuck in my car?
I spilled wine on my pillowcase and I figure it's basically my lifeblood so I'm just leaving it
So you completely disappeared from my memory last night at about my 15th Jager bomb. But only you. No one else.
My life is just a trash fire of work and Japanese video games now
Randomize
