well thats why i like him. because he makes you happy. on the other hand i think he masturbates too much while texting you.
my roomate judo was messing around with a girl who recently had a kid, when he was sucking her tits milk came out lmao
I woke up under a table, with a huge Mexican sombrero, a box of 120 doughnuts and a bloody nose. It all screams success.
started to yawn and threw up hamburger helper instead. awesome night.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just had to stop two people giving each other hand jobs in the pool. That was not something I was taught in lifeguard training
You blacked out and walked in on my neighbor breast feeding at 3am yelling "where is my best friend". I think we should go apologize.
I dunno. The only plans I have for sure after finals are smoking a bowl and eating a 5 pound gummy bear. btw I bought a 5 pound gummy bear
I seriously had alll four of your knuckles bruised into my arm
I just scored a new eye doctor and a date all in one email. BOOM!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just want to give face wipes a shout out for being there when im too tired or high to wash my face at night
I used an explanation of Walking Marriages in the Mosuo Culture to successfully negotiate an open relationship. That Anthropology degree is finally starting to pay off.
Whatever. I have his dick. Haha how many girls can say they have a dildo replica of a guy they were seeing
I didn't think you wanted your identity stolen along with your dignity. My mistake.
I am drunk shake weighting right now.
Remember those neighbors I thought were FBI agents? Turns out they're DEA.
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