Running into every girl no one would hook up with here at rick's. Typical.
my mother and i just seriously had a convorsation about why you cant Google "Refurbished Dildos"
So High I just made Cadbury Coffee. I don't know what it is yet, but it involves Cadbury Eggs and coffee.
Tell me why I'm at Target and this entire Spanish family is crowding around the condoms questioning which ones they should get
I don't know how I feel about the stuff we got from that guy. Me and Monty are driving through town listening to static at full blast...
OH MY GOD I CAN'T WAIT TO BONE YOUR EX BOYFRIEND. HOW AWKWARD IS THIS?
i want to go make food but i'll have to face my mom after telling her that the random i'm sleeping with, whose name i don't know, told me I was "too slutty to be his girlfriend" when i was drunk last night
Taking a shit on the side of the road is not how I imagined this morning would start.
I feel badly that he has cancer, but this does not mean I am obligated to have sex with him. Again.
Life goal: sit on his perfect beautiful David Archuleta-lookalike face
i'm not so sure everythign we did last night was legal...
I have to sleep with him. We're too much alike. It's like clash of the titans, except instead of clashing, he's putting it in me.
That’s talent right there. Maverick and Goose type shit.
Why did you have to tell me he has a hammer cock? Now I can’t stop staring at his pants.
Guess who won a basket of sex toys in front of his parents, aunts, uncles, sister, and cousin...
Randomize
