I think I'm going to be in trouble for sneaking out last night. My Dad saw me drive up this morning when he was leaving early for work.
What'd you say?
I told him I was sleep driving
I just had to pull over at a starbucks to throw up in the bathroom. They really should not have let me be a lawyer.
yeah well you didnt even puke from the alcohol. we cut you off and went to huck finn's and told you that the "irish cream" coffee creamers had baileys in it, so you shot down like eight of them and puked all over the floor. it was great. we cheered you on and everything
If there was chocolate on Regis Philban's dick, I would totally lick it off. That's how desperate I am for some right now.
I'm pretty sure I'm almost gay. Like, I'd do it if I had no choice. Like, if i were in prison I'd try it.
girl in front of me at starbucks just ordered 7 shots of espresso in her latte. welcome to finals week
Yea...coming from the girl who didn't understand why m&ms and tequila wasn't a "suitable diet"
I asked her to make me water, which in turn meant get me a glass. She handed me a cup of microwaved ice cubes.
You told me you aren't worried about the police that you've been training for this an that the last three months of your life have been devoted to building up your stun gun tolerance and pepper spray recovery time.
Your texting shows a blood alcohol level of .12
So I'm trying to figure out if starting the day running around the quad in a black t-shirt and bikini w/ a drawn on mustache is a good way to start the day...
But seriously who drew a dick on a tortilla and nailed it to the door?
the girl next to me was drawing sonic the hedgehog on her exam what the fuck
godspeed
His beard looks like it smells like beer, cocaine and old pussy juice
It's been a week I should not still be finding glitter in my pants.
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