Britney fell asleep on the couch in the foier, got up stripped then pissed on the floor. Then got dressed and went to sleep in it. Also downstairs toilet clogged. Not me. I will be gone by the time you get home from work. Have fun.
I told him I had my daily dose of vitamin c so i wouldn't blow him
the only thing he could say in english were 'insert coin here' and 'game over'. i love spanish men.
did you know that snuggie is the perfect anti-freak out aid for stoners? it weighs you down so you can't go anywhere. just sit there and enjoy the movie, that's right.
you will always have a special place in my vag
He said he wants to make an itinerary for the sex we'll have when I come home.
Hmd? did you really just created an abbrievation for hold my dick?
i feel like pizza bites are my only friend right now
I bought you a small gift as a preemptive apology for being a drunken slut tonight.
He is really real. Like I know where he works, have referenced him with mutual fb friends and I've seen his dick. He's real.
I refuse to answer that question on the grounds that it may incriminate me
Sex was great. Left his house while he was asleep but on the plus side I was able to get gas station food.
Which president had the biggest dick?
Take your time, I'll wait
I came twice AND he sent me home with edibles. I think he’s a keeper.
Btw I puked in your glovebox
Randomize
