hey girl hope you're alright, you hit that tree really hard. have a good night.
The only thing I really remember is repeating "I hope I still have a job on Monday". Oh and pulling my boob out of my dress.
So I take it the company Christmas dinner went well then...
My heart is having a hard time convincing my vagina he's not worth it.
He snuck out of bed at 9 am and came back with pizza and a bottle of wine. I think I'm in love!
It was a sobriety test blowjob. If he could get it up, he could get me home.
Cocaine Wednesdays have to stop turning into no work Thursday
Let's paint friendship bongs
We are smoking a hash blunt ... Bring your emergency inhaler
We team puked and then made sex like wild monkeys. If that isn't love, I don't know what is.
He's the second guy this morning whose job is jeopardized because of my vagina.
The condom broke. Its OK tho, turns out I was just humping her thigh for 20 minutes. Jager dude, Jager.
I told my fuck buddy that I wanted one of his arms to take home with me to hold onto in bed and he was hurt that I didn't want to bring him, like as a person, home to my family. I feel like you and only you could appreciate this.
There's literally not a single picture of him with a shirt on. I can't talk to him without dislocating my eye balls.
If you're not my stylist, having sex with me, or agreeing to have sex with me don't fucking touch my hair.
QUIT BEING A BITCH, DRINK SOME PEPTO, AND PUKE ON OUR FOES
Randomize
