if another girl says "im usually cleaner down there" I'm just going to shoot myself
Can we reminisce? I held a mans penis while he peed. This is the craziest night I've ever had.
the can pyramid on my head actually reached a decent height before I moved.
After we fucked, her eye wouldn't stopped twitching and she could only move her hand, which she used to put her number in my phone
drunken yoga. on the beach. senior week. you have been chosen <3
I NEVER left your party last night of anyone asks.
Yeah, I didn't wake up handcuffed to my bed either.
Don't pretend like we're functional. We're gonna discuss this drunkenly via text the way serious conversations should take place.
Would your heart desire to drink copious amounts of alcohol tonight?
I've reached the gravitational age where it's very hard to get my face and my boobs in the same shot without some kind of yoga involved .
The cops just came to this party I'm at and ate all of our snacks
Dude just crushed our bbq lays and told us to quiet down
Drunk me is basically the Oprah of nudes. Everyone gets one.
Did she seriously come back inside just to piss on the kitchen floor?
I'm not gonna swipe right, he has better hair than me. Just no.
he said he only had one rule...that he'd only go down on me 3x a day. so far this is turning into the best relationship ever.
The only good thing about 2020 is that the hot flight attendant neighbors are using my pool a lot. If i can keep them from wandering into my Zoom meeting with my boss I’m golden
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