i need a penis for penetration, you wont do.
oh yeah... my b.
I promise you 4 toothbrushes taped together and lube does not do the trick
You fell on your face and the waitress just brought you a fresh drink
he brought me knee pads...is that sweet or weird?
im getting coffee to go get coffee.
Im throwing up in my trash can so I can go throw up in the toilet. We're basically on the same level.
That girl from the bar sent me a text saying that she wants to wear my cock as a hat. A cock hat. Is that good or bad?
It's like an R Kelly music video in here. Only a matter of time before someone pisses on someone
Only sluts go out in this weather carpe diem boys
As he was going down on me, I looked over his shoulder and said "ohh a Christian mingle commercial is on"
After my shift today I'm going on a bender. Not saying this so you'll stop me, just a heads up to invest in Tylenol, Gatorade, and Jack
He can't say no, it's my spiritual goddamn quest.
I will be DAMNED if anyone but me breastfeeds my cat.
I'm hammerd and his penis is still the size of a giraffe's neck
Whatever he got a sick blow job and his high school fantasy was fulfilled
And that's what dreams are made of
*hilary duff crying in the background*
Can you get the dildos out of the shower before the maids come?
Randomize
