Will you blow on my dice?
I want leopard sheets
haha sexcapades
thats the plan
why does my vagina smell like weed?
omg thats a great idea
Man now I have poo on my blackberry!!!
brownberry?
if you hear someone banging on your door early in the morning, it's me with some breakfast burritos, so don't be alarmed
i dont know if you remember blowing your vomity nose directly into my hand...yeah thanks for that
We woke up, fucked twice, she drank 3 warm heinekins to cure her hangover and said "Im glad you're still hott when im sober"
In other news, someone I've had sex with won jeopardy last night.
I mean you can't really blame him. He's named after whiskey and I don't get along with pants.
How do you tell someone who's buying a pregnancy test to have a nice day .... Like how
The best part about being single is knowing how much everyone secretly creeps behind their gf/bfs back. You wouldn't believe..Have a great date night!
I'm mailing you cans of corn and that's final.
Yes, bail money means jail. It also means lie to dad, do it now.
Did she seriously come back inside just to piss on the kitchen floor?
Shit is getting real. I just adjusted my search radius for my dating profile to ANY FUCKING WHERE
Randomize
