Just threw up at the table during our Father's Day dinner. And I managed to get quite a bit on dad, so that was nice.
so he came on my face and then proceeded to say "that was just how i imagined it would happen"
where do you find these guys?
I just caught myself doing the gator chomp to my tv. I need to get laid.
It was ok at first, but now im getting freaked out by him jerking off to me doing yoga
as they left, you opened the door, dropped your pants then yelled "don't leave, this is what you're missing"
i'm traumatized. his orgasm face consisted of him looking like my dead grandfather and burping.
He won't stop licking me..... im choosing your date next time.
The drugstore has summer clearance. I bought you a little mermaid bucket. Now your hangovers will feel more like childhood adventures.
like stop just cause your whole life has been one enormous reject pile does not mean that i have to suffer too
Dislocated my knee during sex, popped it back in and kept going. Then got simpathy chipotle out of it too.
I was on etsy and I'm like those boobs look way too familiar
I have a corndog on my dresser and a trashcan of puke. Thanks for a great night!
You're telling that to the kid drinking Jack in nothing but a graduation cap
Omfg 7 hour sex session who am I?
PS: I think I'm in love
Ability to walk tomorrow tbd
She was a cheerleader in college and President of her sorority and now she’s a sales rep for a pharmaceutical corporation. “High maintenance hot” doesn’t even begin to explain it
But dear lord is it worth it
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