im pretty sure every drug dealer is going to be able to retire the day after alice in wonderland comes out
All he said was "Yeah, there's a lot of air down there. And penis."
She is two pictures of justin bieber away from being blocked from my news feed
Just got a blowjob on the pier where my great-grandfather entered America.
I seriously think the toilet is the cleanest thing in their house. At least if I have to worry its not about that.
It's only slutty if you don't have his number. Unless there's a full moon. Then anything goes.
Am I allowed to be in denial about being gay again? Or is that one of those things you can't do?
Ice cream and condoms, solid grocery store trip
My dad told me to bring weed to easter Sunday dinner..
When the state fair security guard came to yell at her for having outside food and drink she threatened to kick him if he tried to stop her and then she proceeded to chug the whole bottle.
classic
The 666th photo in my phone is of him and if that's not a sign that he's secretly the Antichrist, idk what is. Also, bring more rum.
I've got a surprise in the fridge when you get back.
Is it a puppy?
wow bdsm is so cute
Dude 4th of July week was our like 5th anniversary of you sending me dick pics ❤️
Yes I’m serious. I just worked YOUR 12 hour shift on 3 hours of sleep if you come over without tacos and an ice cream cake in hand we are done
Randomize
