I just watched a guy get turned down by a prostitute
remember when u banged some random dude twice in the back restaurant room of the bar i work at with customers still there? and woke up with an enormous highschool-sized hickey this morning? no big deal.
I'm youtube-ing children's choirs. Am I adorable? Or am I a child predator?
Predator. Straight up.
nothing makes up for a small, perpetually flaccid penis quite like a British accent
look for us when you get to the club. we're the guys wearing snorkels.
It's official. I am the proud owner of his very own sex tape. Amateur awesome porn or awful delete-me-now porn? Come over help me decide.
U owe me five dollars for that paper towel you bet i wouldnt eat last night
I can feel myself smiling like 10 minutes after I stop smiling, and that's just like... so awesome.
How did "late lunch" turn into 8 solid hours of drinking??? I feel like death.
I paused the movie when the delivery guys arrived, and while they were assembling the bed, one of the guys pointed to the tv and said "why so serious?" And it made the whole experience happy.
I don't know how it happened. All I did was tell her I was impressed by her presentation. Her nail marks on my back ain't going away anytime soon.
I have weed and a speedo - I don't need anything else.
I'm sexting with a 20 year old that has a foot fetish... This is what Sailor Jerry drives me to do.
I have four things I would like to do over summer too... Problem is they're all roommates
I’m honestly just flattered that you think I could make PornHub’s Top 10.
Randomize
