Just puked on the beach. Hungover. In front of my parents. I love summer.
She just did a bodyshot off herself. I don't care that it's only seven thirty, come pick her up.
Jumped in the kebab van and said he was Ultimate MasterChef. Incurred wrath of six angry Turks. I got free chips.
I hid drinks in her bathroom closet.... like a squirrel... a squirrel who knew she was going to get cut off soon
I know it's not technically the "Mile High Club" but we def need a name for the airport bathroom. Cuz that just happened.
Fuck you come back. The old guy next to me is complementing me on my great choice of ring fingers,
If I had that in my pants Omg I would want a shirt made so everyone knew
Having a midget officiate your wedding because you think it'd be hilarious: good idea or potential lawsuit?
the only thing you said was do the helicopter dick
I found a playlist on my ipod with only one song on it: gold digger. confused, but not surprised.
Well the good news is ill probably have my new boobs by the time he sees me naked
Hypothetically, I throw a party and my ex-boyfriend and my current fuck buddy are in the same house... what should I do?
How many beds are in the house? Hypothetically...
While all of the skanky girls from the crowd got on stage we screamed fair game and scoped out all their boyfriends, she made out with 2, this is what we call taking advantage of the situation
You are hungover. Your arguments are irrational an incoherent. We only played twice. Have some Gatorade and take a knee.
Why did I wake up with a half-eaten burrito and a vaccuum cleaner in my bed? ...on top of me.
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