Girls should come with a carfax report
It was fun until I shot a pea out of my nose while throwing up. Left over tuna casarole at 3Am was a terrible choice.
Oh and apparently TSA has to open your present from my family or the terrorists win
he told me it was a naked video of him so i opened it. i just got rickrolled while sexting
You always know it is going to end badly when a guy asks if he met you at a "coed naked lawn bowling party"
If people don't want my drunken phone call then TAKE YOUR FUCKING NUMER OFF OF FACEBOOK, like it's just that easy...
i looked at my phone & had a message that said "tell your friend she needs to clean my livingroom, i dont appreciate her trying to turn it into a bubblebath." I give you probs.
I feel strange, like something is off with my body
Yeah that's called sobering up, we've been drunk for the past 4 days
Just sent a dick pic to ur girl. It was accident. Plz mail it to Gena.
lol I'll trade you jello for a tampon
what a trade!
Dude is PACKING. And yes I am holding up a cross and holy water and hissing like a pissed off goose.
Our house drank 90 beers yesterday afternoon before 8pm so add that to the list
Leaving the puke on the ceiling as a reminder.
What's a nice way of saying 'I wish I hadn't fucked you.'
I woke up with an empty beer bottle in my slipper and a note that said "it just wants to be warm"
Randomize
