When I saw him standing at full height, I realized exactly how much his body structure reminds me of his penis.
woke up in a shopping cart using a keystone box as a blanket. how was your night?
Looks like I will be paying for the roofie I slipped myself in 9 months.
she looks like stephen colbert with that blond wig he was wearing last night.
I walked into his living room and saw him watching the play-offs while eating tomato paste out of the can with a bottle of wine. I'm telling you to stop talking to him. now.
My wrist bandage is guacamole stained. What an accurate representation of my life as a whole
That's because you're a slut. A slut fucking a fence.
She came back in her actual cheerleader uniform. Made a bad bj tolerable.
but he gave me mouthwash after the bj. no ones ever done that for me before.
Oh my god. My pre-date bowl for nerves tuned into "I'm too high for this date" he kept talking about trucks and I couldn't stop making racial slurs.
Why is there soup literally in every orifice of my body?
Well if homeless lesbian experimenting divorcée is your new M.O., you're gonna need to start drinking more anyway so if that's what it takes to talk about it tomorrow afternoon, bottoms up bitch
Btw, I feel the need to make sure we have no misunderstanding about this. So here goes. I'll happily mess around with you again. However, I probably won't do it while you're dressed like a creepy clown. Or any clown.
I feel like I could have been bitchier and missed an opportunity.
I just want a guy who will spank me, fuck me, then take me to my office xmas party. I'd that too much to ask?
Randomize
