Every time there's an awkward silence a gay baby is born
And next time please put a text between discussing my orgasms and discussing your son - that was weird.
VODKAVODKAVODKAYESSSS
he got mad becuase i made more noise when he gave me a back massage then i do when we actually have sex
I'm in Starbucks carrying the boxes wine and the hubcap. So many judging looks.
Our foot and a bit height difference is kinda fun, except she's so tiny that after we ate burritos it looked like she was pregnant. I had a confusing bonner.
Only you would have a vasectomy while you're awake and report on the soundtrack first
you got coffee,laid,and a sandwich. that never happens when I work
Today I found out that my boss keeps a breathalyzer on his desk for just these sort of shenanigans
Well its all fun and games until you get naked with your ex in the shower. that's NOT flirting
As I was about to fuck him, he requested a moment of silence for Leonard Nimoy.
I officially have worse injuries from a baby shower than roller derby.
Not gonna lie I just got drunk and started doing applications because I know I'm going into work tomorrow still drunk
i gave head in a cab last night. get on my level.
hypothetically, what's the best method to remove an stray semen gob from a roommate's important school document?
Randomize
