Duck Duck Cougar?
True or false: I did not bring home a 28 year old last night.
True? Did she teach you things?
She taught me the meaning of awkward goodbyes at 530 am.
I'm honestly too sad to drink and hang out with strippers. This breakup sucks.
Going to.goingto.gtoing to DIE DIE DIEEEE......i feel like everyeone impotrant in my life like MLK is judging me.... saddd day
This is a pre-sorry for hitting on and then sleeping with you're ex
Just caught my dad doing coke in my bathroom again. Guess whose getting a new car for christmasss.
I LOVE DRINKING BOOZE OUT OF A FUCKING LAMP
I whispered "you're doing a great Job" when he was fucking me. Then high fived him.
Licking pop rocks off a stranger's washboard abs and kissing strangers young enough to be my kid. Yeah, it was THAT kind of party last night
FINE YOU CAN EAT HOT WINGS WHILE WE HAVE SEX
I just had a twenty minute discussion about endangered breed dog breeding with an Extremely drunk guy
So many questions...
Well statistically J has a 1 in 3 chance of hospitalization when downtown
And a 3 for 3 for disapeearing
I found a hair colour I want in a porn.
Fast is cars. Home is I now. Drunk yoda me is.
It's your last night of vacation right? Be the Oprah of dick. And you get a dick... and you get a dick, and you get a dick!!!
Randomize
