we have a love-hate relationship...we love having sex but hate waking up next to eachother
Is it weird if I ask my drug dealer to prom? Be honest.
Drinking wine out of an empty soup can and watching spongebob squarepants.. I eveb hate myself
Should I be curious about Jeffrey randomly sending me a picture of him holding a crab, or just move on with my life?
I just put up a picture on my dorm room wall of that ginger you hooked up with to remind myself that everyone makes mistakes
She's gone now. Left with the wind like a majestic leaf that just rides the invisible current to locations unknown. And dude, her friends were really hot.
Well this lady at the bar told me I was a natural on the tambourine and that it was my God given talent. and then she gave me a tambourine.
WTF DUDE?
Stay calm. I'm sure there's a heterosexual explanation for this
Ok despite the fact that both you and I love dick we could have a great marriage
I'm wine drunk & this is not good news for anybody
BOOM BITCH SERVES YOU RIGHT I HOPE YOU SHIT YOURSELF PETER PAN
It's a long story, but I accidentally peed on my dog. I'll tell you about it tomorrow, and we shall never tell my wife.
"Are we not going to talk about how you got so drunk that you swallowed someone's pet gold fish, whole?"
yeah the highlight of my day was the 911 operator telling me they had frantically been trying to figure out where i was
He told you he loved you. Then you wanted to find a chainsaw to cut his dick off.
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