But i just feel like he will pull it out and ill panic. I mean its fairly basic. Up and down. But i feel like ill just freak out.
i just had 3 doubles lined up on top of a urinal, texting with one hand and my dick in the other. I an fucking awesome.
You just kept yelling "SATAN!" at me every time I walked by
We learned a valuable lesson from last night. You can, in fact, order bacon on a Big Mac.
its not like she's the last girl on the planet with symmetrical breasts and great skin
His roommate left already and took the beer pong table so we had to take off his bedroom door. Maybe res life won't notice.
Not only have I fallen off the wagon, it ran me over and just kept going...
I think I'm too tall to 69 successfully.
I think I might cry.
Whiskey dick is like insurance for making bad decisions
Hahahahaha. That's what your stoned ass gets for eating half a bag of processed cheese at 2am.
I just used a thesaurus to write a sext...
I woke up this morning and I had the absolutely horrific realisation that I am the human incarnation of scrappy doo
A hefty woman and I mean hefty shoved her number in my pocket at the gym without as much as a hello, winked and kept walking. Going to use your bed to defile her, don't want her to know where I live or have my neighbors see! Thanks, you're a pal!
It's not even a normal fucking affair I've found myself in. It's a fucking bdsm clusterfuck.
Fun fact: You might be drunk if your vision is so blurry that you almost ask "do you know where my glasses are?" while you're wearing them.
Randomize
