Ducking stuck downtown...all the fuxkig roads are blixkded
My place. Tomorrow Night. Bring your liver, and something for it to do.
this is ridiculous... i look like a white version of MC Hammer...
Let's go to weight watchers and eat in front of them.
you're just mad because in the hogwarts world I'm Harry and you're Ron. get over it.
do you ever get flashbacks of ppl you had sex with and just shudder at how gross they were/how drunk you were?
story of my life.
i told you the emergency thong was a good idea.
no i do not regret standing at the wendys drive thu handing the employees mardi gra beads to get free chicken nuggets
He was more tolerable with alcohol in my system. I woke up to him squeezing me and telling me how he wanted to dip me in strawberry jam.
Would a ten year old streaker be inappropriate?
That's the stuff legends are made of
pretty sure I just got a "sorry I have a new boyfriend" blow job. Confused, but totally ok with it.
Well I think I made it pretty obvious I wasn't in to it. I was drinking a beer while he was going down in me
Life lesson: if a hot naked girl tells you to spit on something, you spit on it. No questions.
I spent two entire hours explaining to a guy why I wouldn't make out with him. How was your night?
Just had to break it to that one guy that I can't sleep w him bc he looks identical to my brother. So how's your morning?
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