Dont touch anything! You just got rid of your crabs!
how could I be having a bad time, I have the three most important things in life: Goat cheese, Xanax, and Saved By the Bell Re-runs.
i just rolled a joint on the giving tree. that book has given me so much.
I thought the one perk of the low caliber of men I've slept with thus far in my college career is that I would never run into them in the library. I've been here for ten minutes and we're on number three.
I think, at this point, getting pissed and declaring my love via reality TV would be an improvement
we somehow managed to fit a llama, a stripper pole and a hayride all into the same day.
Professor just informed us that she can't come to class today because her daughter broke her glasses and she can not see where she is going. Am I still drunk from this weekend?
which one of you assholes put my new jeans down the garbage disposal?!
It is completely possible to eat beef jerky sexually.
dude I just found tht weird ass guy u invited last night passed out in my closet.... apparently he "couldn't find the exit"
If you end up wanting to sit on his face, just make a sound like a dying giraffe and I'll make myself scarce.
I mean, he drove your car and it burst into flames, if anyone cant be trusted, it's him.
He lives 20 minutes away driving distance and decided to walk. I talked to him today and he took a nap along the way... In a cemetery.
No dude shes like 5 feet tall and maybe 100 pounds... Normally i wouldnt be scared but someone gave her a bat. Thats why im in the bathroom
if you want the landscaping job, the uniform is a speedo. no exceptions.
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