you used to get mad at me for mentioning 'unprotected sex' and happenings in my bed
well yeah, but then i realized the wisdom of your ways.
I think you came in my ear last night and I had to pick it out infront of my kids in class today
I got groped on the dancefloor by both grooms. I love gay weddings
Dude, just look at these fucking curtains and chill out.
This is why i like single justin better. my only regret is not being present for more of his short life. may he rest in peace
also i think i should join the bone marrow registration when im sober
I think Vodka is my favorite. Everything else ties for second.
I drank butter last night, who am I to judge?
Do you congratulate someone for having bigger tits, or is that a no no?
The last thing I searched on my phone was "leave in conditioner on cats." This is where my life is.
oh man that would be weird.. i feel like we should do dirty things before anything super intimate like a massage.
Go forth my friend, but don't do any of that fruitful and multiplying shit.
Waking up early to fuck the hot DILF the day before Father's Day because I'm respectable like that
Heading there now. Already have a boner.
The lady in the stall next to me just screamed "why are you so hairy!?" and "why can't you get any!?" to her vagina. WTF
Randomize
