i just woke up in a strange room and the first thing i saw was a chewbacca mask... wtf
made out with the bouncer to distract him from how illegitimate my fake id is.
remember that night we drank a bottle of vodka and went to mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu, twice?
we can't do that now- first b/c they got rid of that menu and 2 b/c we are broke now. damn this recession.
True Life: I hate vaginal excretions
Since when does sleeping with your RA not result in free meal swipes? I feel so tricked...
Now he's galloping around the bar. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
she demanded that I make her breakfast too so im in the bathroom cooking bacon with her straightener
besides i was ending his dry spell. it's written in the bible that jesus likes that right?
Listen. I don't care if its "nontoxic" im not putting it in my fucking vagina.
She's opening her family birthday cards at the bar. So we can pay our tab. Bitches wrote checks :(
I'm hoarding IKEA meatballs in my purse
I just wish the first erections of my life didn't take place at a dentists office but hey whatever I turned out alright
I mean...he danced with his dick still inside of me. What more could a girl ask for?
I cannot belive our party caught on fire
You went home with a guy at 11... than returned to the bar at 1
Randomize
