Hey, It's Lauren. i wanted to talk to you tonight. I like you, as you know because kyle told you. I was wondering if you liked me too?
Are you in the third fucking grade? Check yes or no.
I feel like I've been slapped by Gods icy cold dick of vengeance.
I hope this adventure ends at a hospital
my tonsil wound opened up during the kegstand but i stopped it with a popsicle
This is going to be a 3 day beach sex fest. Do you understand
You fell asleep with your fingers in my vagina. You made this a relationship.
He's yummy.
HE'S GAY. AND 40.
Irrelevant.
What's great about college is that i can eat chocolate cereal for every meal and call it a money saving technique.
He just got here and all he's wearing is a cloth over his penis.
I'll uninvite my mom
I asked what you thought of her and you replied not the biggest I have had
dude i'm so hungover my hair hurts
Amanda bynes is my spirit animal
1) Woke up alone with my bathing suit on inside out spooning an empty bottle of Jack, 2) get the fuck on to my level 3) please pick me up and bring a stuffed pony, some Oreo's and my pride...
This is the third time I have overheard parents tell their children "don't be that girl" in reference to me. I'm either doing something horribly wrong or amazingly right
You mentioned his name and i threw up a little.
Randomize
