wat bout pragnant strippers??
What's the point of having 3 fuck buddies when their periods all seem to sync up
Well if my looks don't work with her I'll eat the 50 nuggets to impress her fat roommate.
She offered to massage my back by hitting it with a sparkly purple double dildo... Bi chicks can get creepy
Lesbians are nicde people they do not take debit cards
I called my dad at 3 a.m. because I thought he'd be proud that I didnt get arrested. Daddys little girl at her finest...
I'm drunk in your building find me and we can have sex.
You work today? I woke up with a raging boner that was whispering your name
We got out of the car in valet drinking beers we gave the valet one as a tip
Put some vodka in it
Its 7am
put some vodka in it
I can measure my amount of vomit in solo cups.
Probably yeah. I mean maybe one day we can be those friends that hang out naked. Not awkard at all.
In other news, Justin Bieber has a big dick and that makes me uncomfortable.
What happened last night? All I know is that I walked into class this morning and everyone was chanting my name.
Came up to an intersection and someone was blasting My Chemical Romance at like 9 AM. They're DEFINITELY having a good day
Randomize
