i already hear my dad disowning me
Oh fyi, I gave your card to a homeless guy last night and told him you were the world's hottest blonde girl who only likes black men...Sorry
apparently the secret to your success is patron
this is not okay. even my mom refers to me as a sorostitute.
Found out why I didn't have to go drug test. My boss grew pot to pay for grad school.
You pulled me aside and handed me a plastic childrens' tea cup full of 151 and said "trust me its a great idea"
The Supreme Court upheld health insurance. If that's not an excuse to get hospital drunk, I don't know what is.
Hamster emergency. Can u come in here
Do you have any puffy paint? I want to put "fiesta muthafuckas" on my sombrero but its too much to bedazzle.
The site I use to study flash cards keeps showing ads for truck companies hiring drivers. It's like the site is saying "hey, we all know there's no hope for you, just give up and Become a truck driver."
honestly dont worry about it, its not the first time ive injured myself on a potted cactus during sexual relations with a woman
Remind me to tell you: When threeways go awry, my MLK weekend story.
I just threw up on the way to class. Legit, on the sidewalk by psych building.
THAT WAS YOU? Psych prof just pointed out the window and said "that kids, is why you don't pregame before class"
I resent the implication of a jizz addiction
I'm a freaking penguin. one mate for life, and really awkward at parties
Randomize
