i just looked up and i was like omg ballsack and then i didnt know what to do
i dont need a football game to get drunk and yell at my tv
Playing a game in life called "how far can I make a man travel for a booty call"
So the bar isnt gonna put that broken window on my tab. appaerently they want cash
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Either there is a god and he hates masturbation, or one of my roommates stole my vibrator while I was in the shower.
oh no, don't get me wrong.. she IS really pretty. If you are in to horses or Sarah Jessica Parker.
I just wanna be like "dude your gf's on a porn site" but i just dont know if i have the heart.
I took "we live within stumbling distance of the bar" as an invitation and challenge
In sex ed. they really need to include a lesson on saying tampon in foreign languages, just in case.... Trying to ask the woman at the reception desk, who barely speaks English, for one just turned into an awkward game of charades.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Actually I more feel like I'm on a ship about to grab the holy grail off an island
The ship is me being high the holy grail is some profound idea I'm about to have
I'M WORRY THAT MY VAGINA WILL NEVER KNOW THE TOUCH OF A MAN AND YOU ARE MAKING A MIXTAPE
Nope. Turns put my desperate group message for sex didn't work out.
Well you sent it to two guys who were roommates.
They could have rock paper scissored for it. My vagina = the prize.
the last thing i heard from her was "i wanna get fucked by a stranger" and i haven't seen her since
I could be the Kenny Powers of Sex Therapists.
We made out in front of everyone INCLUDING his girlfriend. And no one saw. THAT DRUNK!
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