you dont need to remember merediths name haha. only jane
well that one time I was being a total idiot trying to see how much I could drink. turns out 22 shots is too much. surprise surprise! ambulance party!
So it's like pop-o-matic trouble, but with penises
He looked me in the chest and said "I think I was visited by the titty fairy last night"
She came over with Guinness cupcakes, a case of Mickeys, wearing an Ireland flag & nothing else.
Either allow it in a formal toast or i will drunkenly tell your in-laws while i'm dancing on their table. either way, the truth is coming out
He just reenacted his orgasm in front of my roommates....using a squeeze bottle of mayonnaise.
No you are right. With a nickname like Monster Cock, you shouldn't expect him to want to "just talk". I'd be insulted too
She stole my hamster. idk who she was, she just walked in and said she knew Keith so she stayed, drank 6 beers, and then stole Charles.
There is no way I am paying you $5 apiece for pot brownies you found behind a dumpster. $2, maybe.
speaking of creep .. love how I kept touching strangers faces at the bar ... and saying "Don't worry I'm a dermatologist"
Had a dream I cut my own dick off. That's it I gotta see a doctor...
Umm
Exactly.
may or may not have entered into a gay civil rights discussion with 6 year olds. Hint: I did.
don't worry, i'll dog sit again, the barking made the sex better, its like he was cheering for us, we were just THAT good.
So I come home this morning to get ready for a job interview and there is garlic seasoning all over the hardwood and a knife in the wall. What. the. fuck.
Randomize
