I'm jealous of your bromance
i made two phi delts show me their dicks in less than 30 words! Take that twitter!
I hit 10,000 texts this month.. I think my grandkids have carpal tunnel.
Some creeps at the festival started talking to me, so I told them I was going change my tampon. Worked like a charm.
I'm customer of the month for a 3rd time now at the Wine store. I've achieved so much in my life
no seriously, she's legit pissed i'm late to lunch because i was watching full house. there's obviously no future here.
It looks like sephora exploded on his dick, so i assumed I was the second girl that gave him head that night.
No The bastards made me buy a new one, They don't cover water damage an apparently they consider salsa water damage
Drunk in burger king. Having it our way. Free fries. M&m sundaes.
I just remember being happy that I got that toilet fixed so I had somewhere close to throw up
At first I was a little embarrassed for sharting, but then i realized it was a bachelor party, and I went balls to the wall
no it was
but you compared your dick to a female disney character
I threw up in 4 different Starbucks across the city before 9 am.
Booze, boobs, blunts and batman. dude, I'm livin' the life.
I woke up wearing mittens dude
I woke up in my bathtub with the potted plant from downstairs.
checkmate.
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