so... i had sex tonight
with a midget
nicccce tits for a little person
just had a super intense, drunken debate about which blink182 member is the most fuckable. i got so mad i left the room. new low.
I think thanksgiving was created so we could all be thankful that we're still alive after the night before.
I don't know why I've never thought to take my bong into the bathtub before.
btw when he was trying to sleep i was apparently poking him in the face w my 'flipper' slurring random manatee facts
Its against the rules to not make you aware of his virgin situation prior to penetration
The liquor store manager told us to drink responsible as we checked out and we laughed to his face. Like we're buying karkov at noon, responsibility is out of the question
I'm sitting next to a ginger. She is decked out in olive green. Gingers fucking love olive green.
Why were you staring at her like that over breakfast?
Because I was eating with a spoon to remind her that she threw up on my hand while she was MAKING me spoon with her after our drunk sex. She got it. Don't worry.
Wearing the 'Let's Party' thong feels weird without you...
Remind me never to smoke before babysitting again. Ate an entire bottle of children's gummy vitamins.... not an easy thing to explain to parents.
Why aren't you two playing Dora the explorer with each other's genitals yet?
Someone is giving away free yogurt on craigslist. Can I get a ride?
Saw two pregnant women at court today and I SWEAR one of them said "we had a threesome with this random guy and he got both of us pregnant."
i found you laying on the floor staring at the ceiling and you kept muttering "why" in various inflections.
Randomize
