# days @ Coachella: 1 people i showed how to break it down: 279
Should I be offended if he asked if he could use saran wrap to eat me out?
After I just paid $211 for my hair to be dyed and cut this guy at the bar said "I know you died your hair with koolaid, but I'd still fuck the shit out of you"
pop tarts are not kleenex
Two man bar crawl was hectic. Just found leaves in my pocket.
Ya well my good-girl image was pretty much blown when he found out I'm going to jail soon.
So I am just swinging blind here, but I am guessing that blood in your sinus is not ideal
Sorry my moustache came off because I was face first in a layered bucket full of jello shots.
I don't think I'd trust a marching band with trampolines to not cause serious damage to themselves/ property.
ALMOST WRECKED MY SCOOTER. DAVE FRANCO HAS A TWIN AMD HE GOES HERE
Haha sweet. I'm being the Mad Hatter. I'll be drinking out of a tea cup all night. Or at least until I inevitably lose it, break it, or use it as a weapon.
He was so aggressive it felt like he was giving my boob a root cannal
Just in case the world ends tomorrow, I have an emergency contact group of booty calls I can send a quick "let's fuck" to before I die.
I might as well just sew it shut at this point.
I am so sorry. Not sure for what, but whatever I did last night probably merits an apology, so I'm covering my bases.
Randomize
