Through a series of unfortunate circumstances, I think I just sprayed lime juice on my vagina.
We each get one free throw up cleaning, no questions asked.
Best moment of my life. I just got a text from some random number that said i can't wait to touch you. Her name is kiara and she had the wrong number.
I'm just sayin. Is it sad that I spent my last dollar on a hamburger just to get a paper bag to huff out of?
Ever have a day where u just waNna wake up get a blow job eat food and chill I just want today to be that day
I left myself a trail of jello shots, that ended at his door. OR maybe he left me a trail of jello shots at his door. DO I GO IN!?
screw jello shots the kids from the culinary school made pudding shots with 4 loko.
Totally passed out on the dealers bed after paying him all in ones so no, i dont think i'll be getting a discount soon.
And I was aware of my actions - that is not a penis I will say no to until I have a ring on my finger
There is a dude in a thong with a Nerf axe having battles in the street. Welcome to Portland
There's a very drunk Asian strawberry shortcake crying on the curb next to my truck. I'm not really sure what standard protocol is for this situation.
Happy Birthday. May your liver respect you, fat bitches neglect you, hangovers reject you, and AA accept you.
I want to be "performing a disservice to society by actually wearing clothes in public" hot.
WHY THE FUCK DID I HAVE TO FALL IN LOVE WITH A CONVICT
Pretty sure my aunt hooked up with one of my brothers frat brothers at his graduation party
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