I hope you have a really shitty weekend. I love you.
Got home from the bar at 4am. 100% sober, unlaid. Epic fail or responsible behavior?
The only coherent words in the 6 texts i recieved were don't, cute, fucking, beer, and lions
Nothing says I have a hang over like telling your boss to "eat your shit"
21 Embarrassing Stories From Adults Who’ve Crapped Their Pants
and my loofah got caught on my nipple ring in the shower today. what an awful experience.
We decided to play beer pong where the loser had to beer bong a pitcher of beer...people just started losing on purpose. It was a bad idea.
His body is just chiseled out of sex. I would let that man do anything to my body. Including fuck me while my parents watch
do you have any idea how hard it is to keep a boner while another dude is writing on your dick in sharpie?
My bed is full of blood and feathers
21 People Confess What It’s Really Like At An Orgy
Seriously what kind of college town is this? Nobody parties during the week or abuses perscription drugs
My professor laid down on the floor and told us a story that involved being naked covered in Vaseline with a pumpkin on your head. No lie. This is going to be a great semester.
And know that if I ever text "road head?" that it comes from a place of caring and not a place of heartlessness..
You're not drunk til you wake your roommates up screaming at your ceiling fan
I told you alcohol was flammable, but you didn't believe me until you tried to extinguish your sparkler by submerging it in vodka and the bottle burst into flames.
The sun is out, the birds are chirping, I made some brownies, I'm not pregnant
This is literally what my 13-year old cousin said to me this morning.