Xanax and allergy medicine look a lot alike when you spill them on the floor. Just saying that I still have allergies but I'm unsure if I still have legs
I brought his matress to the living room we're laying on it listening to rick james drinking vodka
Still borderline I believe. As bad as this sounds, I feel God owes me one here and should not let his grandmother die till after my birthday
He practically cut off his thumb and she offered him a tampon to stop the bleeding
Do you have any puffy paint? I want to put "fiesta muthafuckas" on my sombrero but its too much to bedazzle.
female sloths literally scream when they want sex and can be heard up to 700 meters away
i think i might be a female sloth
For a pair of gay men you destroy a lot of vagina.
Vodka and cigarettes aside, my body is a temple.
I tried to put my heels in the coat check
I finished masturbating now I'm eating french toast crunch. What is life, and what are friends.
It's official. Post baseball sex is better than post hockey sex. I hope the Blue Jays win the world series.
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
I AM STRANGELY AROUSED BY THIS UNEXPECTED DEVELOPMENT AND I AM COMPLETELY OK WITH THIS.
I’m literally lecturing this class on professionalism, while my body is undoubtably covered in leftover cum from last night. I’m a fucking role model.
So I came to the conclusion that who ever pour my ever clear out saved my life
Randomize
