Sometimes I wonder if we could be friends if we lived closer.
The best thing happened. Some guy was butchering Conway Twitty at karoke and the power went off in the whole bar. And someone shouted "you pissed jesus off when you messed with conway!"
I wish I had a dollar for every time I've slept off a late night I dont want to remember in my recliner.
I almost got runover on the sidewalk by a car but wen it got closer it was a crackhead walking with the whole front of a car... bumper, lights and all... I love New York.
21 Ladies Confess The Grossest Things They Do When No One’s Around
It's cold our but I feel like a very blazed penguin
So howd u manage to get high at a one year olds birthday anyway?
They showed a guy on tv in a Brady jersey and a sweatpants boner when the NE offense took the field. They didn't show his face. I hope that wasn't you.
Experimentation with dessert toppings followed by shower sex. Only logical progression bro.
I want to take my head off and cuddle with it
Maybe it will forgive me and stop being an asshole
23 Tweets I Thought Were Really Funny When I Was Drunk Yesterday
Exact words that were just spoken as she was on her 6th, yes 6th piece of bread: "I'm only eating the soft and chewy inside of the bread-I am taking the crust home to feed my turtles"
Question. Was fucking Laura an entirely regrettable decision?
My Instagram consists mostly of drag queens and people who dress up as power rangers... I'm pretty sure I'm an unclassified category of gay
Watched twin sisters make out thought it was amazing sick on their part but legit to watch
I'm eating shredded cheese and chugging coke, until I can function again. I'm tingling everywhere
We're going through the drive-through at mcdonalds while pulling sam behind us in the wheelchair and having them hand him the food. Let me know how this went in the morning