Id settle for living inside the pirates of the carribean ride.
he just flicked a booger into my mouth and shouted "goaaaal!"
I want a nosebag of coke after my exam. Like what horses have. Coked up horses. No excuses. I love you.
Found out why I didn't have to go drug test. My boss grew pot to pay for grad school.
25 People Confess The Most Awkward Situation They’ve Ever Been In
Made out with a girl in a wheelchair and rode her around while I was blackout. On a new level.
I was dressed as bob Ross as this occurred
You could breast feed yourself wine!! This shit is genius!
He's such a champ. He puked on purpose just so he'd be coherent enough to roll this blunt
I have a calendar reminder for world domination today, you wouldn't happen to know anything about that would you?
Find me a cup with a lid so I can illegally drink in your car. I'll be there in bout 10 minutes.
These Are 21 Of The Most Delusional People Ever
He talked for 3 hours straight on how his dad is a dentist how fuck do you think my night was
30 year old woman with braces and crocs came into the store today with her boyfriend. what am I doing wrong.
Are you okay?
I went home with a 38 year old guy in a kilt, do I look okay!
Apparently, acid is a good substitute for cash if you don't have any! Who knew?
pretty sure I blew his mind with the sex last night. He repaid me with a five minute conversation about power rangers.
Went to my bottom drawer for my stash , gone just a note says thanks sucker love dad