the ***** family is living proof that there are no more lifeguards in the humen gene pool
His mom just asked me if I was "fooling around with her baby again" and then when I walked downstairs his dad YELLED "Look who's taking the walk of shame!"
You really need to stop fucking dudes who still live with their parents.
I finally had sex with him last night, but we used a condom so it doesn't add to my number of sexual partners.
no sex. but he left me weed, so almost as good.
19 People Who Had An Inappropriate Celebrity Encounter
he kept whispering yes yes yes yes the entire 15 minutes. i almost wish it was a quickie.
I met the perfect girl for you, she's smart, likes cars, has at least one ear, and really blue eyes!
please elaborate on, "atleast one ear"
every time i recognize a doctor or patient at the hospital on this rotation, i just pray it's not from my blackout saturday makeout slut moments...professionalism shouldn't count on weekends
Because you know it would be fucking amazing to get trashed and shatter the dreams of 12 year old girls. I might get a shirt.
Questioning the dried heart shaped nutella on my boobs. Valentines day has begun.
21 Awkward Ways People Found Out Their Partner Was Into Outrageous Sex Acts
Needing to keep one leg on the floor during sex so you dont spin should qualify for some kind of drunk award.
Look, the fact that I didn't kick him out and rip your clothes off speaks very highly of me.
You don't have to text me that every time you have sex. I already heard you ring the gong.
You were visibly distraught that my boyfriend and I didn't have sex in your bed. You forced us to take your condoms.
The hardest part about being a child of divorce is when you're at your dad's house but your condoms are at your mom's house.
So, my love of dick may have landed me in a cult. On the bright side, I now have a discount at Spencer's.