Rub youre cunt and tell me you love me.
Your incorrect use of you're doesn't arouse me in the slightest.
Espresso. Can't sleep. Love puppies
New thing to add to the list of never wanted to talk about with my grandma: sweating in ur crouch and vag area
I got a Luke Skywalker costume so I can go do battle with the homeless guy who plays the fiddle dressed as Darth Vader downtown.
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
I'm hiding her cosmo magazine. the only sex tip she needs is to not handcuff her boyfriend to her roommates bed and lose the key
and then she started to quack like a duck and u started throwing bread at her
My cat was watching porn with me. Weirdest bonding experience ever.
You should photoshop their heads on tigers first!!
For my parents' annivery card? How high are you?
We hotboxed his closet and accidentally lit some of his shirts on fire... do we have a fire extinguisher?
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
Check the mailbox while you're out!
I already looked this morning. You go check and see what you won on Ebay after your day drinking spree.
On celebration of the Supreme Court ruling I feel it is our patriotic duty to have a threesome
My boobs just got me out of my third ticket last night
i'm so proud. i woke up to nearly seven feet of basketball player in my bed this morning
you win. again.
Idk how I even got accepted into college because literally the only things my brain ever thinks about are YouTube videos of baby animals and sex.
He came on my favorite pants. He is dead to me.
I slept with the Australian in the bathroom of a gay bar. What has my life become.