Do you think "I had sex with my co-worker last night I don't think I can come in today" is a good excuse?
Katie Perry lied, you can't just wake up and shake the glitter off your clothes.
Found a joint walking to class. I feel like the environment is rewarding me for being green.
When i look at that picture of him, i'm a little proud to be like yeah, his dick was in my mouth saturday no big deal.
25 Children of Helicopter Parents Admit The Most Horrible Thing They Were Put Through
yup, got lost on my way to the final. maybe i should have gone to this class all semester
I popped a zit on your vagina. Don't say I never loved you.
So somehow I got from NYC to a suburban town in the middle of Jersey. At 4am. Thank god there are trains that can rectify my mistakes...
She's gonna be fat in the future. On a side note I had a "It's not you, it's me." conversation with a bottle of jack last night.
Housing is going to charge us for any broken dishes/glassware. Steal as many glasses as you can from the bars tonight. I got the baking dish and 3 plates covered.
Proof That Kendall Jenner Is The Queen of Cannes
I am particularly sorry about getting dome in your backseat. And for thinking you wouldn't notice.
I AM SUCH A BETTER PERSON ON DRUGS
Sorry i vommed in a cup next to u w out warning.. Actually im not that sorry cuz i didn't spill a drop LIKE A PRO
Please hurry. I'm the only one here who's not an attorney with a trophy wife.
did you just correct my grammar and then send me a photo of your dick?
DUDE I FINGERED JOE'S MOM, PLS DONT TELL HIM, MORE LATER