I know she is the girl of my dreams bc she orgasmed, rolled over and then asked if I knew that Orlando beat Cleveland.
I'm sorry, but you without makeup is like christmas without presents.
Just sold this kid "Magic Furry Apples". He is way to high to figure out they are just peaches.
At least he's a nutritious stoner...
Also, just saw a kid in a gorilla costume being questioned by a boardwalk cop. I love ocean city.
& he told me 'I don't think ur a big slut-just kind of an average slut'
HE THINKS THATS A COMPLIMENT!!!!!
Woke up with my foot jammed into a VCR
I am three bowls, two beers, and a muscle relaxer into babysitting. What are you doing.
Hefty paycheck and not get wasted can't exist in the same night
FACE TIME HER WHILE YOU GUYS BANG
There's times when I need to be plowed... and I'm ashamed to admit auto correct was able to predict that entire sentence.
She's cool and all but if she eats my food again I'm gonna fucking drop kick her ass. No one touches my lunchables. NO ONE.
Had a dream I went to Disney to visit you and then I got really drunk and puked all over these little kids in line
I'm now using my vagina for good, not evil. Trying to restore balance to the force.
Probably should start having regular sex again too to lose this breakup weight. Good cardio.
You tried to pick a fight with a polka band saying that you'd wrap the accordion around their throats
Randomize
