So... how did lowering your standards work out last night?
i thought they made a 7-hour walmart run, but they were actually in jail.
I smuggled my gin and tonic out of the bar by shoving the glass in my pocket...mistakes were inevitable.
You tried to call "time out" during the sobriety test.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I remember all the people and all the acts I just have to match the person with the act
She called my landing strip a "vagina mohawk"....
Lesbians are weird.
Tried to dodge fire in poncho. Fell through fence. Blood everywhere.
I used to put Bugles on my penis and pretend it was a wizard.
He said "you speak American pretty good for a Canadian" and it took everything in me to still fuck him. Dry spell ended btw
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I mean, you have to swipe right on someone you had sex with last week though, right?
I was asked last night if Magnum makes a XXL..... I don't think I've ever broken this many condoms in my life
Well, after a pitcher of beer, I set my ex on fire. It was a little fire, he's fine. How's your night?
Sometimes having a penis is like having a really stupid drunk best friend. You see it doing dumb shit but you're just not the one in charge.
I am mentally ready for anal.
Idk but when you think about it the last time I did bottomless mimosas I ended up getting my nipples pierced so it might be fair
Randomize