Just watched a porn with the dvd commentary on i think i need to re-evaluate my life
she asked if mt Rushmore was natural or man made
Wow. Thanks for becoming another fan of something on Facebook. You make me want to gouge my eyes out.
How much explanation does bbqsexapalooza need?
I can motorboat myself in this new push-up bra. I need to go out tonight.
My Internet history has 23 searches for 24 hour cake. Self respect plummeting.
i'm teaching a bunch of people how to grow weed over snapchat. no shame.
Nothing says I love you as your fiancé bringing back home your drunk brother from his own stag party
When you're trying to sneak from the bathroom to your room with dildo, but it glows in the dark and suddenly your entire life is illuminated in the shape of dick
I'm going to book club and then I'm going to get laid. Being in your 20s ain't so bad sometimes.
I've covered myself in body paint in the likeness of R2D2 and I still didn't get laid. Please explain.
I'm going to reward myself for having sex with coffee and a breakfast burrito.
THERE ARE SO MANY HOT DADS AT WHOLE FOODS
Once upon a time I threw up in my own hands last night.
But the real reason your aunt is drunk crying is because she has already had four margs and went for a 5th and someone is trying to stop her
Randomize
