my penis was classy and tasteful, i don't know what her problem was.
so i texed my mom when i was trashed last night and said "i know its 3 am, just go to bed and i'll be back by the time we leave for the airport"
You asked him to stand still, you put your leg on his shoulder, started dry humping the air
You really need to tell him that he has a girlfriend. I'm not sure he knows
She's an ex-convict. She actually got stabbed in the face with a pen while in prison. No big deal.
I'll tell these girls I'm like the pet adoption center...don't play with it if you're not taking it home.
We have 10 gallons of home brew. And james has an amazonian blow dart weapon that sticks in bags and the wall. Come over
Is it rude if I ask the current tenets of our future apartment if I can come and blackout for a night? I want stupendously drunk me to get a feel for the place so he's comfortable when we move in.
Whatever dude, I don't feel bad about it. If my girlfriend finds out even SHE should give me a high five. That bitch was fine
You're mold. I may or maynot have puked blood this morning.
Just walked out of 7 11 still in uniform when 4 girls in bikinis in a convertable screamed "we fuck firefighters!"
Career choice validated
Apparently while fucking a girl in the ass last night I cracked a molar, trying to find a dentist now.
This morning i put band aids over my nipples bc i was too lazy to put on a bra. Think I've reached a new low.
Having weed delivered to your door is like having your own personal Santa Claus
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
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