Just got mistaken for a cardboard cutout ad in line at Taco Bell. New low?
for real. he might as well bring dogs if they're lower than a 7.
It would be like bopping for an apple with my penis but never winning an actual prize. The only thing I would get from it would be the joy from taking part but then regretting it forever more
I got a phone call from security asking me to do my laundry wearing more than a blanket next time.
Finished my senior thesis. How am I celebrating you ask? By drinking gas station white zif out of an empty candle holder by myself. I fucking deserve to graduate.
All inclusive resorts are actually just places that livers go to die.
that bad?
u-n-l-i-m-i-t-e-d. f-r-e-e. t-e-q-u-i-l-a.
I just realized I'm the burger in your burger and steak anology. Very disconcerting.
But he's not just anonymous male genitalia anymore. I've met him, I've seen his face.
Birthday are for suffering. TAke some tylenol pm and day-drink tomorrow
My dad just accidentally taught me how to make fake IDs. I love my life.
Ryan Reynolds is on sesame street right now. Dressed as a letter A but still sexy as fuck. PBS is so considerate of the stay at home mom.
I know it sounds all cute and shit that I wanted him to be with me last night, but it's not cute. I just wanted to fuck.
And we had three hours of crazy sex then his roommate ate pizza off me while I was sleeping.
Wanna get mid day margaritas tomorrow if I'm still alive
Dude, I got drunk and sexted his little sister by accident
Randomize
