After I made out with her she fell asleep and started pooting in her sleep. Are we sure lesbians are hot? Cause that wasn't.
I dunno... she just cried a lot and I kept sighing.
My butt just had a miscarriage. It was yours. I'm sorry. You would have been a great sexually confused parent.
Last night, my friend changed all my contacts in my phone. I have been texted by Batman, Donatello, and Hermione Granger. I have no idea who they are, and it doesn't upset me at all.
I poured myself a glass of chocolate chips at some point during the evening.
I fell asleep on the table at Denny's. Told the waitress to wake me up when my burger was there.
my mouth is as dry as a post-menopausal camel on antidepressant's vagina.
I've hit an all time low of asking baristas what would go good with marshmallow vodka. I think I might hire one to party with all of us. To make hangover drinks
I swear to God, if you drunkenly correct my grammar one more time, I'm cutting you off.
We went to Denny's and he threatened to fight an entire high school track team by himself
Why were my jeans in the freezer of the mini fridge, and how long have they been in there? On another note, I found my teacher's ID badge.
I woke up to an alarm on my phone that said "Buy Plan B" and then the guy offered me a hairbrush... which seemed polite at the time
if you come you're not allowed to wear pants. if you arrive wearing pants you won't be wearing them long.
maybe one of us should just pity fuck him and get it over with.
Lunch?
Massage?
Spanking with handcuffs?
Randomize
