She's perfect. Funny, gorgeous, 3 tats, been through a lot, bright. I'm in love.
Rosebud was a fucking sled. Gay.
i just traded a sweatshirt for margaritas... why did they ever stop using the barter system??!!
I hate girls that dress up to come to planned parenthood. I just want to be like we are all in the same boat here, we know your slutty. Its OK.
im just gonna lie here and collect money in this whoppers bag while sprawled out on this bench and explain that its to buy weed for my hangover
Bring condoms and burritos. The rest will fall into place
I was like kind of drunk but mostly just very enthusiastic about beyonce
So my quick shower turned into a "lay in the shower and let the hot water reign over you because you are too hungover to wash your hair" shower. I'll be there closer to 1:30!
My actions are not mine. They are the actions of Patron.
Let's be honest, I'm cooking chicken nuggets in my Helm jersey and underwear who has their life more together than me?
I'm drunk filing my taxes in a bar on a Monday afternoon in a Regular Show onesie. I think I'm starting to get the hang of this whole adult thing.
It was a tough decision either lay in bed or go to work and lay in the stockroom
So you thought it was a good idea to make plans for the same time same place with the guy you were sort of dating AND his best friend you slept with?
I kept my extra Molly pill in my wallet in the change part, that's also where I keep my body jewelry while I'm working. The nose ring punctured the pill essentially coating itself in MDMA. My nose ring is back in my nose. This could be entertaining
Hi I love you will you be up for a while!
That exclamation point was a drunk decision
Randomize
