My dad just sent me a text telling me to "say hi to all the luscious bitches" at the gay bar. Guess this explains my childhood
Just because you were able to pour the entire bottle of wine into 2 glasses does not mean you took it easy last night.
1.) You left the rest of your whiskey here 2.) I drank your whiskey 3.) then made a steam roller out of the bottle 4.) Everything tastes like whiskey
At one point, you closed your eyes and asked me which 'six flags' we were at
He ate me out while I was wearing a tiara.... I think I could get used to this
Nothing says casual like stairwell bjs
it's always good to have a friend that's a hairdresser, a massage therapist, maybe throw in a lawyer just in case, and always have a friend on food stamps
I'm having post-experience "why didn't I fuck her in a public bathroom" regrets
It was 16 hours of liver killing mistake making goodness
You drunk-dialed me and asked me to describe my burrito
I'm slacking. We've been hooking up for months and I have yet to bang him while he's wearing the clown mask.
It was extremely weird and uncomfortable mid blow job she looks up and says " tell me Simon Cowell makes your dick hard"
He tried to grab your ass, but he grabbed my hand cause I grabbed your ass first. I saved your ass..literally. Your welcome.
my mom is feeding me weed brownies...god help us
It’s a prereq for med school, so I hope the professor likes blow jobs
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