Just got booted from water taxi for showing my balls to a security guard.
Saw a pregnant woman get a lap dance last night. I love the south.
Balls are like the throw pillows of the penis
just gave a yankee's fan wrong directions to Fenway....welcome to boston asshole
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Im drinking ciroc out of an ice cream cone... my night is going fantastic
I mean I want to be happy but it's a train wreck that you can't look away from
I'm in the fetal position watching the little mermaid and trying not to die. When do you come home?
You can't call dibs on the bed... every time you party you KO in the bathtub
She came out of my bathroom wearing nothing but high top Converse, a leather jacket and a tongue stud. I love rock bars.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So I spent all night thinking my bed was floating down a river and telling the cats to get on the bed because they were going to float away. Percocet is strong shit.
Sorry for peeing on you and your bed last night.
You took acid last night and I’m up early to go to the grand opening of a new TJMaxx by my house. We couldn’t be more perfect.
sarah's view on last night: a threesome to make things less awkward. oh, well done.
He grabbed at it like it was a stress ball or something. It's a boob, not a grapefruit. The fuck.
He made me promise not to describe his penis in detail to you....oops.
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