Measuring your booze intake in glasses is like measuring Rosie O'Donnell's weight in ounces.
she would be the type to have more hair on her twat than on her head
she has to be all "alternative"
i shall enjoy my approximately 2 hours of being sober today
I had no where to run... The dumpster sounded like a good idea at the time
My professor just used the phrase "balls deep in your mind". My day is officially made.
Dude, the chicks a procotolgy intern. Don't cheat on her. She knows where it hurts the most.
You left wolverine marks
I'm somewhere between sorry and proud
I'm sorry but if you can't drink a bottle of wine without a glass, I do not think we can be friends.
I woke up to the sound of him repeatedly tapping out SOS in Morse Code using his hard cock.
We're living together and you don't know if I've seen Titanic?!
So my parents just watched me pour their rum into a bottle and only add crystal light powder, no water... Talk about being judged. All I could say was "Cortland tricks?"
Told the cab driver to take me to narnia last night. Turns out there's a bar called narnia on the south side of town. We are in business
Let's be honest, I am pretty sketchy looking.
Yes. He better. Or I will shave a penis into his beard while he sleeps.
I support your vibrator fueled lifestyle.
Randomize
