I'm just looking at Lindsay Lohan's vagina.
Oh yea! I was just doing that too!
I just saw a Kleenex commercial and thought about last night. I'm sorry about your hair.
Almost accidentally stole a baby... explain later
Swear to god this chicks brother got let out of jail for the weekend for the sole purpose of cock blocking me
OK WHO CHANGED MY RING TONE TO LADY AND THE TRAMP AND CHANGED EVERY CONTACT IN MY PHONE TO 'SOME GUY I FUCKED'?
He made me twerk for scrambled eggs... I regret nothing
I came home to him frying bacon to put in his beer. He said bacon beer lights, taste the awesomer rockies
He said that he doesn't like skittles. This relationship is over an it hasn't even started yet.
I was woken up at 6 am by a second grader trying to give me a sweatshirt for a pillow
He was very considerate of my needs, he offered me pizza before and after.
I just sat on the floor of my shower for 20 minutes to punish myself for drunk me's decisions.
who knew my inner goddess was such a whore
I cant believe you made me read bad furry sexts
I woke up naked and you weren't here. What a relief.
Just letting you know that I just spent 11 dollars on a car wash... Because you had sex in my car.
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