Your parents are going to be so confused in the morning
More like pissed. but ill be sure to explain my pathological fear of terrorists hiding in the bathtub
I wish i could be there for it
I wasn't expecting a boner of this magnitude
Valium party in the driveway. Attendance: 1. Don't make me do this alone.
i jus dunped the rest of my drink down the sink and tool my bra off. pretty sure this is the best decision for everybody.
Its like after 6 beers, the clap doesn't scare me anymore.
scratched cornea got me an eyepatch and a blowjob from a girl with a thing for pirates
so I'm coping with getting the "I'm not over my ex" bomb dropped on me by getting drunk and yelling at people while wearing a purple princess hat
Just say its a British thing. They wont know Its not. And if they say you're not British, proposition them for a post-sex game of cricket.
It's not meant to be. I also just shot a turkey baster of gin into Nate's eye, so....
Ummm, my mojito just spilled on 2 essays as I'm grading. Who says high schoolers have all the fun?
apparently I stole your wolf lighter. probably bc you made me howl while you puked over your deck railing.
I think I might get 604 tattooed on my ass tonight...
Turns out I screen transfered my streaming trucker restroom porn vid to the downstairs neighbors'TV instead of my own, damn you chromecast
No one with a hairstyle like that is allowed to insult anyone for anything
We spent our last night together taking turns vomiting in the bathroom. I'd say it was a romantic trip.
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