Told my mom a bit ago she'd meet you tonight
Um...??
She's excited
party is dying down. we just wrote whore in the yard with gas. Photos to come.
u ever jackoff with ur legs spread and pretend ur fuckin urself as a girl and get mad u'll never know what that feels like. Or to fly like a bird?
Did u absorb a fraternal twin in the womb?
remember earlier when I said I was over sex with random boys? take it back take it back take it back
Have $25 to my name but it's $2 pitchers. I have no choice but to go.
those 9 inches of man changed my life forever.
judging by the mobile uploads you added of me last night, we cant keep living this way.
You Were screaming "Im trying to get it in" and "stop cock blocking" while i threw you in the car
YOU SUCK AT REPLYING IM IRRESPOSNIBLY DRUNK WHAT THE FUCK ARE YOU DOING WITH YOU LIFE. celebrate the magicness with me.
The two girls sitting next to me are asking siri "Like, uh, how do you know my name?". Do I fuck with them or fuck them?
YOU WOULD BE SEEING ME. IN MY KITCHEN. BENDING OVER MY OVEN. MAKING YOU CAKE.
Wait, that's an option?
I'm just gonna start letting dudes eat it. American idol for my vagina
lost her for two hours. she was banging a russian guy in her car in the parking lot. he told her she was majestic.
Moms love me. I'm the reminder that they need to turn safe search on.
I just took a shot before my midterm. Gotta keep things in perspective.
Randomize
