can u get pink eye on your cock?
Since when is my name a synonym for head?
What did you want me to do? You know I don't like fat people. I'm an asshole to them sober it only gets worse when I'm drunk
That doesn't make it okay! You tried kicking the girl's mom out where we were having the party at!
I got vodka in my stocking. Having an alcoholic mom has paid off.
Party priorities: alcohol > girls > music > cups > decorations
I did my dad and i had to keep going back there to pick up coffee
please read the first 4 words of that text and consider punctuation
I can't wait until weight watchers comes out with a beer
Walmart at night is scary enough without having to run into people you've slept with
Incase you were wondering. Cooking naked turns into sex. Sex and cooking may lead to house fire....
i tried to break up pigeon sex because one looked too young to consent. fireball feminism ftw
How many Wendy's frosties do you think it would take to fill a bathtub?
He got you flowers. How bad can the sex really be?
I got sprayed in the face with titty milk and I'm still so traumatized
Woke up next to a half eaten Philly Cheesesteak. Honestly probably one of the top 3 things I've ever woken up next to.
You threw away your W2 to make more room in your purse for liquor.
Randomize
