He asked about stds. I told him I don't have any... which I don't. They are now called sti's. Whooopsie
Seriously, let me lead the intervention, my parents did like three with me. I know how it works.
He was like a Bill Nye the science guy of sex....he was telling me things about my clitoris that I didn't even know
So my birthday was awesome. Only remember 45 min of it but I woke up with a girl on the couch and a half bowl of ground beef
Jesus just hopped over the fence with a rack of coors. How's your Halloween?
I was just handed a bible on my walk of shame....are you there god? its tequila tuesday's hangover
I worked so hard to shave everything last night. EVERYTHING. He WILL be answering my phone calls. Otherwise he's passing up awesome random birthday sex.
They put paint on their hands and tried to see how many times they could touch me before I woke up.
Judging by this purple one they got to second base.
He asked if I had feelings for him while I was lying naked on the floor vomiting into a trashcan as he held my hair and fed me Pringles.
You told your mom that it was your second day sober. I think she believed it until you jumped off the balcony
If someone plays phil collins i'm gonna take off my clothes
But I thought it was so funny last night
You also thought you were a gypsy mermaid last night
Kyle passed out in the tub after breaking a glass and shouting, "WHAT ASSHOLE GAVE ME A GLASS?" His girlfriend gave it to him...
I fuckin love you!
I would reciprocate the feeling if i knew who this was.
we were waffle house and a lady told me her imaginary friend was sitting in the chair next to her. i don't feel so trashy now.
Randomize
