piano lessons. No girlfriend. What's up.
I'm a grown ass woman and I'm sitting in bed eating pizza at 4:30 a.m. BFD, right?
Found you in the bushes with fireworks, a teacup and no shoes. Decided it was a bad time to wake you.
I'm promising sexual favors in return for his responsible life decisions. Now THIS is growing up.
Why do i even want him? It's like his dick is a trophy and I need to put it on my wall of shame.
We were thinking he might be gay. Like how the fuck do you not even make out with a girl that made you a grilled cheese
Still want to know how you got back last night? Two Campus Security Officers carried you in around 430. Your pants were around your ankles.
I hate Sailor Jerry.
We now know how the night ended in arrest according to the flip camera I did 10 handle pulls and beer bonged a 40. My life choices are getting worse and worse this is your fault.
Don't know why you're always hating on relationships. I've had chocolate pancakes accompanied by a blowjob and a blunt and it's not even 9 am. Time for mid morning shower sex. Enjoy your morning bong bowl alone asshole
True freedom is running around a sex club in former power plant in Berlin wearing a boots, a jock
It's 1:26 and I have already found 5 fruit flies between 3 separate glasses of wine. This is supposed to be a summer problem. Fucking global warming.
WHY DID YOU DRUNK DIAL MY MOM?!
Because mine was sitting on the bar stool next to me...
When the stripper from this weekend is your cashier at Publix the next day 😐💀#pensacolaproblems
Thanks for DJing my sex last night. You were on point 💜
As I walked across the lawn after the party got busted, an officer told me to chug my beer before I left the premises.
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