My parents came down to check and make sure I wasn't into any mischief then proceeded to give me alcohol.
My cousin's wedding had personal beer funnels for each table and a drinking game against the bride and groom. im sorry for ever calling you white trash
I woke up this morning with gum gluing my ass cheeks together..
I can't decide if I actually want to know or not..
just got off the metro to throw up and got back on like it ain't no thang
really making moves this morning i see
Just walked out of my apartment and came face to face with a shirtless dude playing with his balls and trying to tie his shoes.
How bad is the voicemail?
You graded my boobs.... C minus. Asshole.
He left an apology note saying he had to work and that there was coffee, OJ and food on the table with two Excedrin. I left his spare key with the door guard and she said "too bad I don't go for skinny white boys or I'd jump you both!" Best one night stand ever.
You ever got drunk on $5? Cuz it's about to happen
I'm watching sex and the city with my wine and Wendy's. I'm not sure if this is single woman empowerment or not.
I used to think not drinking while I was pregnant was not gonna be a problem, but I now I'm like shit that's a long time
He says we're "annoying" but that's an odd word to describe a couple of heroic liquor saiyans
Just jacked in the family restroom in the hospital while eating beef jerky and looking at reddit gone wild.
The shrooms have turned on carrie. Change of plans. We're getting stoned and finding bacon.
I just smoked weed with my physics professor. Tell me how my life is this.
Did you ever think you lost your bong and then you find it in the weirdest place? I mean, who leaves their bong in the shower?
Randomize
