Hey, don't feel sorry for me, the two girls in front of me just ordered 18 dollars worth of taco bell. Life could be worse.
someone needs to make a hangover cure that isn't cocaine.
You insisted on squirting shots of captain morgan in your mouth with a turkey baster by like 930.
Got a stripper to howl at my wolf shirt.
Drinking games this Saturday as usual although the ice cube tray game is banned due to last weeks incident
She judged ME for picking my nose when SHE has the clap.
You don't know how skeptical I was about letting a guy with braces go down on me
I think everyone, including the amish, know who you are after this weekend.
I'm pathetic. I'm eating cream puffs in the bath and crying a little.
Plus my fingers were hella swollen from eating all these cured meats so it was like I was given it to her with Hulk Hands on
When I told her I was deaf and took my hearing aids out at night to sleep, she said it must be nice not having to hear drunken roommates having awkward sex late at night.
If I wasn't planning on spend the rest of my life with you I wouldn't send you so many nudes, so fucking appreciate it
I remember turning to Jon after doing a line of coke and saying "I was a Girl Scout"
I think I achieved my goal of being high for 24 hours in the same week I promised myself I wouldn't smoke anymore
Do you realize we were driving someone else’s car and I was holding the wheel while you were driving and sucking my dick. That’s NOT normal
Randomize
