It's a miracle Ok Typing texts toYou right now
I looooooove Saturdays!!!!!!!
I am absolutely hammered
I just offered a homeless man a meal from McDonald's, and he replied "I don't eat McDonald's food". That is the epitome of "begger's can't be choosers."
pretty sure if my vagina had a mouth, it would have been smiling afterwards.
We're trying to leave but amy's hitting on the guy who mans the nacho cart
I started crying then my dog licked his dick so yeah.. Kind of ruined the moment.
Got high again and all I want to do is wave this flag around
They've already turned me into the Dean of Students once because they felt 'unsafe' because I came home hammered and asked one of them to make me a grilled cheese sandwich. Like, I just ASKED!
she had a dildo shaped like a dolphin. she will forever be known as Flipper
That was awkward , having sex with her while her husband watched via Skype. I'm a porn star or a target. Idk
What are the chances I get my period 2 weeks early just as welcome week starts. My uterus is conspiring with my dead catholic grandma
There is no issue with you seeing me...morally or ethically. we'll update your resume anyway. I really need to have sex with you later. Really
He said I taste like cake. Like funfetti. So I feel like if he doesn't come back for that he's just dumb
He is a real estate investor who’s face I’m going to sit on.
He said when the pizza came I zip locked one slice and went to the couch and snuggled with it. Does that give you an idea of how my night was?
No I come to this class stoned every week. Except last week when I was drinking in class
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