friends don't let friends hook up with gingers.
She was ugly to the point i wanted to brush my teeth after looking at her
You were playing beer pong by yourself. Finally someone took the ball and threw it into the bonfire. You sat by it, cried, and contemplated how to get it out. For 45 minutes.
At the wedding. Seated next to the bar. No way this ends well
oh i have no idea about his personality. i imagine it's the same as it was- except now combined with a receding hairline and a beer gut
apparently i found nail polish and started playing a game i made up called "paint a nail, do a shot"
Two girls I have never met just thumb wrestled to decide who gets to make out with me.
Beer bonged 7 shots of Jameson. I title this night short stories with tragic endings.
He has a clip art-style heart tattooed on his hip. I hated him way before I saw his tiny dick.
Dude, someone broke the toilet seat in two, the is a pair of panties on the kitchen counter, and the entire house smells like a brewery
Advice for you. Never grate cheese on your counter then not cleanup the scraps, then have your bf over and endup having sex on the counter. Theres literally cheese melted in and around my ass.
Cracked my iPhone screen. Real bad. Girl from last night isn't ugly yet. Stop me if you still think she belongs under a bridge. You have 12 seconds.
I told him that his face would look perfect between my legs. One of my most successful strategies yet.
Do what? I was just saying that at some point there's a chance I'll have a boner. Think of it like a guessing game. "Does he have one now?"
The problem with having a roommate is that you are forced to answer the age old question "Are you okay?"
Randomize
