I actually just cleaned easy glide lube off my desk. My life has gone way down hill since I met you.
He fingered me while we both sang the fresh prince theme song.
Marry him
She's legit crying about wanting more sex. Holy shit.
As we're eating sushi she goes I just want to get a disease so my mom can take care of me... Great first date
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Some kids in a school bus just saw me jacking off in my car. This is how 89% of children find out about sex.
Omg do you remember last night you kept pointing to your vag asking who wants to play this like a fiddle hahaha
Also, the greatest of ironies: I got shampoo confiscated by security while Corey managed to get pot through. MERICA!
He said he cried as he watched porn yesterday; I'd say he's taking the break-up pretty bad....
You're seeing with your vagina, not your eyes.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
These beer shits have taken over my entire life.
We need to stop going on dates to the strip club.
Everyone is a disappointment when you lose your virginity to nine inches
He showed up at my house with roses and a bottle of vodka... to watch a movie. obvi i took the vodka and didn't sleep with him
in your professional opinion, what's the most elegant way of saying "sorry I spent all night flirting with you, I thought you were gay" ?
i haven't seen you in two years and we have like 16 hours, all i want is cuddles, wine, and some light groping
Randomize