It was like fucking a house. Down the chimney. That deep and empty.
I just shot gunned a beer for your birthday alone because you're too hungover at midnight to get out of bed. I'm not sure which of us is the bigger loser
he asked me to smell his eyeballs.
I knew shit got real when the pinapple was gone and people were just passing around the core and gnawing on it.
I'm sick of being broke. I had vicodin and frosting for lunch.
you're surprised the chick that fucked you for a free cup has herpes. i don't feel bad for you.
For the love of God you used a 40 foot extension cord to bungee jump out the off the 2 nd floor
Whenever there is a ShotSki involved, I have no excuse but to drink, right? It's like a rule.
I BIT YOU IN THE DINING ROOM. I bit you and you crunched
She called us while she was having sex to ask if we remembered to feed the cat
I dont understand how her boyfriend puts up with her weirdness
I think I ate my cheesy fiesta potatoes cup.
If a marine in My bed is not considered a valid excuse for missing class then I don't want to live in America anymore
She was from Wisconsin, she had great boobs... I mean... It's a dairy state....
My drug dealer was just on ESPN..
He showed his fake to the cop and was like "does the coloring look off to you?"
Randomize
