I get so lonely sometimes I set my phone's alarm to go off every 5 minutes or so and imagine people are texting me.
i just looked at my contacts and realized i saved the pizza hut girl's number as "fckucin pizza" the other night.
thanks for not screaming that I'm pregnant when that guy was giving me his number.
How do you tell someone they are only invited if they put out?
we have to get out to the bar earlier. all of the guys are already committed to the girls they're going home with.
I could feel myself puking on my feet but it was so warm i didnt even care.
Come find me please? Im in a ditch.
That doesn't help me much...
I'm right under the moon!
I dont think he was a real cab driver. I think he was just a creepy guy with a van.
I couldn't get past the raccoon on my porch so i slept on my lawn.
It was a perpetual wrestle for who got to be on bottom. Laziest hookup ever.
That's actually a fantastic idea... The kinky sex dungeon will be vastly improved by the addition of a lightsaber
Drunk naked twister. My place. Heath is trying to use his dick as a third leg.
So when this rash is gone wanna hang out?
I should not be so motivated by a penis, but I am
Wow. I hope you were either doing that in your sleep or blacked out. You threw up then covered yourself in duct tape... i wish i got that on camera
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