Going back to my hometown to drink absinthe with highschool boys. Remind me to evaluate this decision tomorrow.
I'm jammin out to some Brit Birt, she's still my bitch, I love her crazy ass
I woke up covered in BBQ sauce. My hand had "you win" written on it. Do I celebrate?
I think the best part was when you jumped over me naked.
I hate him and his pretentious your-sleeping-in-the-wet-spot look.
My younger brother just got high fives from all my guy cousins for fucking my best friend. I hate family gatherings.
I got my dick out in a gay bar for just one free shot. I didn't know I could be bought so cheap
I'm smoking pot with a man in a pink suit, size 15 wide shoes who bought his bowl from a place called Chinese Bling Bling while I'm dressed as a unicorn drinking pumpkin beer
If the fate of the world hinged on some chubby girl getting laid, the president would dispatch me with a fifth of Jameson immediately and then rest easy.
Well shit, I would've slept with him if I knew he was gonna be in the draft.
Seriously, it's 5am. STOP CREEPIN and START SLEEPIN!
He and I are in a competition of who can sleep with the most people at work. We're tied at two. I could win this if they'd stop hiring damn straight girls.
BTW, does Anne know that we used the lipstick she is currently wearing to was used to write the word "ASS" on my ass cheeks last night?
You can tell by the way he cuddles that he's got mommy issues
Anytime he goes down on me i automatically think of you cheering me on. Your a good friend.
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