My e-date is really photogenic. Real-life not so much
When i asked him what happened all he said was, the toucan... the toucan... over and over again.
shut up i haven't hooked up with anyone since 45 minutes ago
Hes the only one i know who can talk to a girl for an entire hour abuot the science in starwars and still get laid.
i left because you were standing at the top of the stairs throwing shot glasses and bottles full of alcohol at me and yelling JAGERBOMBS
Just got gas in my car for the first time while high. Went better than expected.
I just looked at your pics on Facebook....there was cake? Where the fuck was I!?
Then that means he's outwardly conservative. Inwardly he's a total gay horndog. He's like a spy that can ruin conservative plans.
I want to change all my life goals to that.
It's like my uterus needs a hug... and anti depressants
Ugh, once again I had to block the view of him peeing off the hotel bar balcony, I earned those free drinks!
Thank you for holding my butt in a non-sexual manner when its cold. I appreciate you and your warm hands.
it's like he didn't even know what a vagina was
Turns out the guy I did all that coke with the other night is a cop
We're dating now
Sometimes I just take my boobs out of my shirt so they can get some fresh air
I may or may not be drunker than time right now.
Randomize
