respond to me or i'm telling everyone that you inserted a vodka soaked tampon into your anus
girl in front of me at starbucks just ordered 7 shots of espresso in her latte. welcome to finals week
He said he wanted to have butt sex with me and curl up with me after and just be near me. Then he passed out.
I wish Samuel L. Jackson would narrate our bar crawls
He fell asleep and I'm awkwardly laying here because all I have to wear is my tutu. I'm pretty sure his roommate is going to be back soon so this should be fun. This is my life now. PS. the background of his phone is a picture of his hedgehog.
I am self-sufficient. I puked in a wine glass and emptied it in the trash. Points for style and neatness
Ask her if it hurt when she broke through earths crust as she ascended from hell
In related news... Actually, nope. I don't have any orgy-related news. You win.
Is there a word in the English dictionary for impressed, yet disgusted?
I think the word you're looking for is flabbergasted.
I hope you get eaten by satanic starfish.
I just got a lecture from your coked out sister about the monetary value of Dothraki hair braids. Take her home.
I think my pussy is going to freeze to the ground
Please clarify that he is speaking of beer pong and not rough sex
we are not getting arrested this weekend. I don't care who I have to blow its just not happening.
I think that living in the "now" is the worst fucking ghandi buddha whatever advice bc that means I'm just gonna get drunk in the now.
Randomize
