oh, also, we're locked out of the house and we're going to have to take shelter with the hot, poss single, dad next door. i hope this turns into a porno
it turns out vodka filled condoms arent that funny
I just ran into the couch, vagina first.
I hope you got dinner out of it
Bad news. I lost my teeth. Good news. I can still take a guy home sans teeth.
i really care about you, respect you, another gay word, and another gay word... lets just drink
I just opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a tube of mascara. Get on my level
I'm making myself a nametag with my contact info and pinning it to myself like a kindergardenter in case I get lost when I black out on Sat.
Can we laminate it? Just to be safe.
Walked into my campus store carrying a pitcher of sangria. No fucks given. Also this recipe is banging.
BTW send me your address and size of condoms you wish your lover was-- "if you build it, they will come"
"what's it like being a dancer turned stoner" well, i can change the netflix using my feet mid bongrip, so there's that.
The German just referred to my vagina as the Great Barrier Reef and that he was going to go diving in it.
On a happier note, I can fit in my old shorts. Dope does have its perks
I slept on her porch...in her dads handcuffs
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos
as i was trying not to drunkingly fall off her toliet, i noticed her socks laying there. i quickly grabbed them, ran upstairs, and excitingly asked her if she had gotten them at sams club. she replied with, "...those are your socks."
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