He seriously just asked the doctor if taking the medicine for chlamydia was going to cut into his drinking time. Never let it be said that he is not dedicated.
She gave 2 thumbs up when Nirvana came on the radio while blowing me in the bathroom
After 2 hrs of driving around looking for him, we just found him sleeping in the bed of my truck with the cover closed, cuddling with the spare tire.
You sat on my knee, like Santa, while I peed.
She was wasted talking to my dad about the hunger games than she passed out in the shower and flooded the hotel room...
one of the RAs is here. he told me his name is optimus prime and then took his shirt off and fell down
I can't wait for the day Google doesn't remind me that I got arrested for having 3 shots called 'frog cum' lined up in front of me.
You tried to impress her by kicking the 5th floor button in the elevator, but you ended up kicking everything from 3 to 11. Then you said, "pretty accurate, huh ladies?"
We found Mulan.
I thought you were in bed what the hell
Thank god he came over. I had to have some good sex to makeup for all the bad sex I've been having.
You just managed to turn Doctor Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
I bet your mom's never met a girl who's thrown up at the presidential inauguration before though.
These rednecks don't fuck around. This party is completely BYOB and we now have 6 kegs, 3 of which have already been emptied.
A true gentleman never tells. But yes, I did indeed get laid last night
Drunk twilight is the only twilight
Randomize
