Did your dad mention the fact that you asked him for viagra at 2 in the morning?
Its like they don't get that I only talk to them before homecoming, thanksgiving, or any other time I go home. I love highschool girls.
She told me she needed to clarify that we are not fuck buddies, we are best friends that have sex once in a while
Haha that's why you never name the penis. Its like a pet, once named you will most likely get attached.
Last I saw him was around 10 this morning. He was passed out on the porch with his head under the barbeque cover and there were cups of orange juice around him as well as loose tobacco spread everywhere. Good luck getting a hold of him.
I have a date tonight... Like a real date... Not the kind where you just go over to his house and have sex and then never speak again.
In conversation she brought up that she slept with Tucker Max on the UF football field
I remember key bumps, porn and a mom in my bed. Sums up my day.
that is an amazing summary hahaha
I'm giving great sideboob & it's being wasted on my parents.
That moment when you see yourself in a security camera feed and realize you forgot a bra. And pants.
Trying to put a fitted sheet on drunk is one of the boss levels of slutty adulthood.
Like he's moved to LinkedIn creeping on me since he's blocked everywhere else & I'm just so confused does he think I'm going to post daily updates of my life on FUCKING LINKEDIN
so apparantly i made out with 24 santas last night...and an elf...and a stoner
I got a 93 percent on my last mid term and I was drunk. Think of the possibilities if i were sober for the one thats tommorrow.
I brought coffee but not enough for the naked guy on your porch
Randomize
