That can be our thanksgiving, vodka and cornbread. Just like the pilgrims.
just threw up nine times in the shower.. solid night last night.
that girl is introducing herself into your group of friends one dick at a time.
Like that time I held Annie up and she peed all over the window.. We make a good team.
Oh, and I'm only keeping her around till spring. Doing the hunt for cunt is too tough in 12" of snow.
I really want to lead this Amish guy into temptation
I got another blow job proposal last night. Skills.
Just sent my cousin to buy me a new bra cause mine is zip tied to a bar in the middle of nowhere Iowa
It was like something out of a fucked up fairy tale. He just crowdsurfed over to her while riding a keg, said "come sail with me", and then the crowd carried them off into the night. What.
Just got home. Taking a quick shower. I smell like sex and chorizo. Dont ask.
"I wonder if vinegar is some sort of magical hangover cure" "...no I was definitely still drunk and drinking vinegar because I was thirsty"
His weed is so good that I don't wanna risk loosing him as my weed man so I plan to keep him in the friend zone 😂
You came in yelling "I'm el scorcho" and then axe can flamethrowered my dresser. Awesomeness aside, you owe me a new dresser.
Two questions: is there going to be a bathroom at this party, and can we fuck in it. This will define whether or not I enjoy going to parties with you.
Call me a snob but I'm not banging chicks with more fingers than teeth.
Randomize
