I thought he was joking about bailing you out until I saw the picture of you and the sheep in the morning paper. Were those my boots you had on it
By the way, her vagina was so tight i was worried that i would be stuck forever
I'm using my ex boyfriends dog to find a guy at the park I could see fuck buddy potential in. I'm the queen of irony.
she's five days sober.....are those consecutive????
5 days not 5 nights... like a bad hotel/vacation deal
She's just done the monthly not prego dance around our kitchen
we're decorating our christmas cookies with birth control. so pretty.
You showed up at 4 a.m with two middle-aged men, a 200 dollar bottle of wine, three bottles of beer, no shoes on, and a half eaten red velvet cake.You are never drinking absinthe again.
I woke up with a stapler in my ass. Don't even complain to me.
him crossdressing on the weekends is awkward but not a deal breaker for me.
Last week in my political science paper I quoted the Mighty Ducks. This week, I compared the Constitution to a weird pickle law in Connecticut (by law, it's not a pickle unless it bounces). So, yeah, clearly I'm ready to be back to being a college student.
Dont judge the spank bank, just be happy that you were deposited there.
When you licked the fourth stranger's cheek the bar tender pretty much ordered us to get you out.
the fact that I always have. bottle of tequila in my purse is not helping my current sitch
God I love dating single dads. They've got their shit at least a little bit together and there's always snacks after sex. #nakedfruitrollups
You came in, yelled 'i am from the future' then puked all over the floor
Randomize
